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Revenland Newsletter ~ 10/23

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1 month 2 weeks ago - 1 month 2 weeks ago #607 by Zod's Disciple
Zod's Disciple created the topic: Revenland Newsletter ~ 10/23
Revenland Newspaper
October 23 ((2017))
Business Account: Looking for donations
Paper's Owner: Scribes Incorporated
Editor: Johan Helmut

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of Scribes Incorporated. Please don’t arrest us.

-- News --

Faromkir Ends!
By Peyton Manfred-Sigismond Perciville

With the changing of the leaves, the colors are celebrated at the doorsteps of some. Oranges, maroons, russet pave the streets of Redfoem. Apples and squash thrive as the breezing air cools. The forest may become more of a challenge for some as the nights near quicker day by day. Nadia Droblenyj (nadiadroblenyj) showed her impressive appetite by winning the pie eating contest! Giving her free meals at the tavern for a week, that is, if she’s still hungry. As for archery, Peony Fields(ami.highmist) proved to have the accuracy and steady hand as a warrior in her first place victory. Don’t forget to congratulate these winners if you see them down the street.

Tri-Kingdom News
By Maik Günzburg

Basham, Givian’s capital, has conquered Zei and reconquered Rafaj from the nonhuman front after their war on the monsters had begun years prior to our exile of the creatures. Basham soldiers are gaining stride, and have marked a new step for the Rousnam War. Rafaj is a smaller city with a stream running through, making it one of the most important cities within the kingdom.

The Forest’s Stench
By Anonymous

Those who must go to the forest to hunt or for lumber have made reports of a strange smell coming from the forest. It’s faint but noticeable over the usual fresh air. It has left them curious as to why, but no one wishes to delve deeper into the forest to find out. (Those with heightened smell will notice the smell of drunken urine throughout the forest.)

-- Gossip --

The Good, The Bad, and the Disreputable
By Dona Brice

When one thinks of an outstanding guard, Abram Rominati is not exactly on the top of the list. I for one would be amazed if he showed up on your list at all with the way he drinks and womanizes every day. Well someone has been keeping an eye on him, and rumor has it the old pervert has been having some late night visits to the Baker sisters. Does that frosting on your cake taste funny? How about your glazing on your sweetroll? Is your custard a little runny? Well you are not the only one who noticed. We are not for sure what he is adding to the batter, but we want it stopped, and we want it stopped now!

-- Advice --

Fashion Passion
By Peyton Manfred-Sigismond Perciville

As Fall has reared its head and slapped our behinds, we bring back layers. Compliment the colors, and red is what’s in! The color screams power and passion, and with the changing of the leaves, you will become part of the changing of seasons. Want to go more risky with Givian textiles? First try a scarf or ribbon to accent your dress before you look like a walking rug and scare your love away.

Love in the Air
By Luigi Amontillado

DEAR LUIGI: I am a very educated man with a very important job in the city. My goal is to make mankind successful and to keep Redfoem safe from all the horrors out there in the forest! Although I have a small problem... One day I ventured out in the woods, fell off my stubborn horse and met the woman of my dreams! She is beautiful, amazing, more perfect than the moon the stars! The only problem is... She has fox ears and a tail! What do I do? I'm desperate!!
A GOOD CITIZEN OF REDFOEM

DEAR CITIZEN: Truly, you are faced with a quandry. First off, are you sure you haven’t been bewitched? I have heard the fox folk have it in their power to capture the hearts of men for their own nefarious purposes, but there is the chance you may have found love. Assuming you’ve fallen for her womanly charms and not her magical ones, then you are left with several choices. You could try to bring her into the city in hopes of educating her on the virtues of humanity and that you will evade detection. You could move out to the forest and hope you don’t get gutted by bandits. Or you could try and make it work without either of you committing one way or the other, but you must keep it a secret lest you endanger each other. If she’s anything like regular foxes, you can’t go wrong with Chicken. If she’s anything like regular humans, you can’t go wrong with romance. So, maybe a candlelit dinner with roast chicken would entice her to fall for you as you have for her.
_______________

DEAR LUIGI: I am not very experienced in matters of love. Some time ago I was introduced to a man who runs his own trade business. He is a good leader, although short of temper, and very well off with women. After a few seasons, I could not help but be drawn to him. To my delight, I found he was attracted to me as well, and even swore off relations with other women, even though I said he did not have to. I just want him to be happy. Sometimes, however, his temper can be a little frightening. I am afraid to speak up much in front of him at his business, lest he get upset. Once or twice he has hit me in public. Part of me is afraid, but at the same time, I feel a strong connection with his man. When we are alone, he is kind, sensitive, and listens to me, yet in public he becomes someone else entirely. I cannot see myself leaving him. I have nowhere to go, and he is one of the few ties I have here. To make matters more difficult, lately an old lover of his has reappeared. I can tell he is troubled. What do I do?
LOST AND CONFUSED

DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: Even for a paramour such as myself, it is not unreasonable to expect fidelity in a relationship and you’re only selling yourself short if you don’t have the expectation.

You’re in a fairly precarious situation here, and if he’s visibly upset about this old lover, chances are it’s only a matter of time before he breaks it off, and all you’ll have to remember him by is some bruises.

As I see it, his violence against you leaves you with two good choices and plenty of bad ones. The nicer of the two options would be to report him to the constabulary, especially if he is hitting you in public. I can say with some confidence if you have any witnesses, all his holdings and property will likely become yours in compensation, thus solving that problem.

The second of the two good options is to stab him in the kidney with a large sharp hair pin or knitting needle in the kidney or neck the next time he strikes you in public. Try to land the blow at an oblique angle as to avoid the spine or trachea respectively. If someone strikes you, you are certainly within your rights to defend yourself.

If you do not feel these solutions are helpful to you, I would still strongly encourage you to make plans to survive on your own as quickly as possible. If you can live independently of him, then he doesn’t determine your destiny. Even if things turn out fine, you’ll be happier in the long term for it. Make friends, go out and socialize, get involved with the church or the local government, learn to weave flax, anything really. The town is fairly supportive even if you are down on your luck, and even the best of times can be made better with good friends.


Until next time,

Luigi Amontillado

-- Caption This! --

Lord Mayor at the Faromkir Archery event. Got a caption? Submit your name and caption to us and we'll display the winner in the next newsletter!
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